1. |
Uncle Fluffy!
03:04
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Well, back in the before times he was just an average Joe
But we don't talk about the before times
Then society collapsed maybe fifteen years ago
And the world fell to madness and war crimes
Now he travels all around
From campsite to compound
And if you can spare some food
He'll perform his songs for you
Uncle Fluffy is his name
Uncle Fluffy is his name
Well, back in the before times he had dreams of writing songs
But we don't talk about the before times
When whatever happened happened he no longer had a job
So he sat and composed three or four lines
Now he crosses this wasteland
With a guitar in his hand
Spreading helpful messages
About how to survive in this brand new scary world in which we live
Uncle Fluffy is his name
Uncle Fluffy is his name
(spoken)
You know, when I was a kid there were any number of musicians and recording artists who made their entire living performing educational music for children, songs with important life lessons like "Don't hit your sister" and "Remember to floss", but, you know, those lessons just don't really feel like they apply anymore--I mean, who here even knows what flossing is?--but that doesn't mean that there aren't valuable educational opportunities to be found through the medium of children's music, so I decided to write some new songs, songs that more accurately reflect this post-apocalyptic hellscape we live in, and I'm going to share them with you right now...
Now he'll never be a star
But he travels near and far
And he'll entertain your kids
Without ever dwelling on what previous generations might have specifically done that caused this very particular apocalypse--it doesn't matter
Uncle Fluffy is his name
Uncle Fluffy is his name
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2. |
Finish Your Rations
03:06
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I don't want to eat my veggies, Mama
That's one thing that I just won't eat
I don't want to eat my veggies, Mama
That's when Mama said to me
Finish your rations
Finish them now
Finish your rations
There are starving people outside the compound
I don't want to eat my protein, Mama
That's one thing that I just won't eat
I don't want to eat my protein, Mama
That's when Mama said to me
Finish your rations
Finish them now
Finish your rations
There are starving people outside the compound
But Mama, what don't we just give some of my food
To the starving folks outside the compound?
And she said "It's great that you want to give
But you need food to live
And we haven't got enough to go around"
I don't want to drink my Kool-Aid, Mama
That's one thing that I just won't drink
Finish your rations
Finish them now
Finish your rations
There are starving people outside the compound
Come on and finish your rations
You've got to finish them now
Finish your rations
You know there are starving people...
Starving people outside the compound
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3. |
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Sometimes it feels like grown-ups are really tall
And you don't seem to be getting big at all
And you might think there's something wrong with you
But there's not, no there's not
You see it has to do with food security
There's not enough to eat for you and me
And when you're small, that affects how much you grow
It's not your fault, it's just the way it goes
But it doesn't change who you are on the inside
You're getting so big on the inside
You're growing up, just not in very noticeable amounts
But you're getting so big on the inside, and that's what counts
Grown-ups leave some awfully big shoes to fill
I mean they're literally too big, and you never will
And sometimes it feels like you'll never be big enough
But don't you cry, it'll be just fine
Because it doesn't change who you are on the inside
You're getting so big on the inside
You're growing up, just not in very noticeable amounts
But you're getting so big on the inside, and that's what counts
Maybe someday food will be secure
And you'll know where your next meal comes from for sure
And your children will be much bigger than you
But if they're not, you know what to do
Just remind them that it doesn't change who you are on the inside
You're getting so big on the inside
You're growing up, just not in very noticeable amounts
But you're getting so big on the inside, and that's what counts
Yes, you're getting so big on the inside, and that's what counts
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4. |
Practice Does
04:23
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So you're out foraging for food
You see some mushrooms, you know what you have to do
But you can't remember if these are the kind
That are even safe to touch
You don't want to let your community down
But you just weren't ready when push came to shove
Well, looking for food doesn't make you a forager
Practice does
Looking for food doesn't make you a forager
Practice does
You gotta practice from sun-up until the sun is sinking
'Til you can identify 'shrooms without thinking
Being there is not enough
What makes you good at foraging?
Practice does!
(spoken)
Practice is really important--isn't that right?
Besides, civilization has collapsed
I mean, what else are you going to do with your time?
So you're far from home, it's getting dark
You need to build a shelter, but you can't remember how to start
Well the temperatures dropping and the light's getting low
And you think you heard a bear
You don't want to let your community down
Maybe you can find a cave somewhere
Well, being alive doesn't make you a survivor
Practice does
Being alive doesn't make you a survivor
Practice does
You gotta practice from sun-up until the sun is sinking
'Til you can build a shelter without even thinking
Being there is not enough
What makes you good at staying alive?
Practice does!
Practicing is great, it can be fun
It's good for you, it's good for me, it's good for everyone
Just find someone to show you how, and then
Do it yourself again and again and again and again and again and again and again
So you caught someone stealing food
You pick up your knife, you know what you have to do
But you suddenly find you don't have the courage
The will to do the deed
You don't want to let your community down
Maybe he'll learn his lesson if you just make him bleed a little
NAH!
Holding a weapon doesn't make you a killer
Practice does
Holding a weapon doesn't make you a killer
Practice does
You gotta practice from sun-up until the sun is sinking
So you can deal the killing blow without thinking
Being armed is not enough
What makes you good at killing thieves?
Practice does!
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5. |
The "No Questions" Game
02:45
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It's time to play The "No Questions" Game
Anyone can do it, it's easy to play
So gather 'round, we're gonna play all day
The "No Questions" Game
If you want to win The "No Questions" Game
The response to every question is exactly the same
"We'll talk about it later"
That's what you say in The "No Questions" Game
(spoken)
Okay, it's time to play the game. The rules are really simple: I'm going to ask you a question, then you say "We'll talk about it later." It's that easy. Are you ready to give it a try?
(Yeah!)
Okay, so maybe I wasn't 100% clear on how this works. When I ask a questions--ANY question--you say "We'll talk about it later." So... Are you ready?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Now you're getting it.
What time is it?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Where are we going?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Who's shooting at us?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Oh, yeah!
Because now is the time for action
We'll deal with your questions later
Now is the time for action
We'll deal with all your questions if we live
So now we're gonna play The "No Questions" Game
Anyone can do it, it's easy to play
So gather 'round, we're gonna play all day
The "No Questions" Game
If you want to win The "No Questions" Game
The answer to each question is exactly the same
"We'll talk about it later"
That's what you say in The "No Questions" Game
(spoken)
Alright, time for round two! Y'all know what to do
Did we do something wrong?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Do we really have to leave?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Where's Dad?
(We'll talk about it later!)
Oh, yeah!
Because now is the time for action
We'll deal with your questions later
Now is the time for action
We'll deal with all your questions if we live
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6. |
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Jessie decided they wanted to make music
But they didn't have a drum or a guitar
So they made do with what they had around them
They could hum and they could tap a mason jar
And then they danced like there's no tomorrow
They danced like there's no tomorrow
They danced like there's no tomorrow
'Cause there might not be
Tom and Jane heard what Jessie was doing
They decided to lend their voices to he mix
The hummed and sang a loud and raucous harmony
They clapped their hands and banged some pots with sticks
And then they danced like there's no tomorrow
They danced like there's no tomorrow
They danced like there's no tomorrow
'Cause there might not be
Soon their band had a dozen kids or more in it
They were stomping and clapping and snapping with the fam
And everyone around came out to hear them
And every night they played their latest jam
And then they danced like there's no tomorrow
They danced like there's no tomorrow
They danced like there's no tomorrow
'Cause there might not be
Music's not about a big performance
Music's not about how good you sound
Music's just a thing we do together
And we do it best with all our friends around
And then we dance like there's no tomorrow
We dance like there's no tomorrow
We dance like there's no tomorrow
'Cause there might not be
You gotta dance like there's no tomorrow
Just dance like there's no tomorrow
Everybody dance like there's no tomorrow
'Cause there might not be
But if there is
Then tomorrow night we're gonna dance again
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7. |
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Teddy hurt his hand playing with a knife
He was doing something risky
And he knew that it would hurt real bad
When they cleaned it out with whisky
Well, he figured no one would notice
If he just kept it wrapped up tight
Then it started to stink and it started to turn
And that's when Teddy died
'Cause there's one thing we can't fight anymore
Infection
Keep your owies clean if you want to avoid
Infection
'Cause you can't keep the germs out with a bandage or a door
And we can't fight infection anymore
Cathy was hunting in the woods
She was desperate to eat
So she killed a deer and took a bite
Without cooking the meat
Well, her stomach didn't feel so good
When she got back home that night
And then she puked on everyone one
And that's when Cathy died--Ow!
'Cause there's one thing we can't fight anymore
Infection
Always cook your meat and don't eat off the floor
Infection
Cooking food will kill the germs that make your tummy sore
And we can't fight infection anymore
(spoken)
Guitar!
Ooo!
Oh, you make it sound so sweet
Well, Bobby had to poop real bad
While he was guarding the drinking water
So he buried it next to the well
Even though he knew he shouldn't oughtta
It only took a week for those germs
To leech their way inside
And then the diarrhea set in
And that's when the village died--Alright!
'Cause there's one thing we can't fight anymore
Infection
Always bury your scat away from your food stores
Infection
'Cause germs will absolutely kill that family of yours
And we can't fight infection anymore
'Cause there's one thing we can't fight anymore
Infection
Keep your owies clean and don't eat off the floor
Infection
'Cause germs will absolutely kill that family of yours
Can we fight infection?
(No!)
Can we fight infection?
(No!)
We can't fight infection anymore
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8. |
Leave Grown-Ups Alone
04:31
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It was a moonlit night
Their eyes met from across the floor
The moment took her by surprise
She'd never really noticed him before
And they began to talk
A crazy notion came into their heads
So hand in hand they went out "for a walk"
Only to find her daughter wide away, wanting to sleep in mommy's bed
Leave grown-ups alone
If you want to be a sister or a brother
Leave grown-ups alone
They need some time with just one another
Mind your own business until they're through
I guarantee you'll see a smile
'Cause you gotta leave grown-ups alone
Once in a while
The girl was three years old
And in her own way so very much alone
She wanted more than anything
A baby sister or brother of her own
And she would beg her mom for one
At literally any chance she'd get
But when her mom wanted some time with her "special friend"
That little girl would scream and cry and throw a fit
Leave grown-ups alone
If you want to be a sister or a brother
Leave grown-ups alone
They need some time with just one another
Mind your own business until they're through
I guarantee you'll see a smile
'Cause you gotta leave grown-ups alone
Once in a while
Ooooooo, ooooooo
Oh oh oh
Sometimes grown-ups say
Ooooooo, ooooooo
Oh oh oh
You gotta leave 'em alone when they say
Ooooooo, ooooohhhhh
Ooooooh, ooooohhhhh
Oh, you gotta leave them alone
The boy was just fifteen
And already considered himself a man
And he'd managed to catch the eye
Of one of his little sister's little friends
And those two would try
To find a quiet place to sneak away
But it seemed that everywhere they went
His sister and her gang
Would show up and demand their friend come play
Never leave teens alone
Or you're gonna become an uncle or an aunt
Never leave teens alone
When they keep trying to touch each other's pants
Just get in their business even if they're upset
They'll thank you eventually
'Cause you can't leave teens alone
Ever
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9. |
The Ones Who Care
04:15
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One, two, three, four
Some people think they can make it on their own
They don't need to depend on anyone
They build themselves a fortress and they live in it alone
Full of stockpiled food and booby-traps and guns
But accidents can happen, you get sick, you get hurt
You might throw your back out falling down the stairs
And the ones who lived aren't the ones who prepared
The ones who live are the ones who care
You're here 'cause someone cared for you
And made you part of their community
And that person--someone cared for them two
And that's why they're here with you and me
Nobody can make it on their own
Life is something precious that we share
And the ones who lived aren't the ones who prepared
The ones who live are the ones who care
We watch each other's backs
We scratch each other's backs
We never stab each other in the back
We laugh with one another
We cry with one another
We die alone if we can't learn
To live with one another
Doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Nobody can make it on their own
Life is something precious that we share
And the ones who lived aren't the ones who prepared
The ones who live are the ones who care
So find someone special and make sure they're aware
You're only here because they cared
You're only here because they cared
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10. |
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Grown-ups think about the past
How the world was different then
And sometimes they might get upset
About the way things were or might have been
And it's not easy to see your grown-up
Overwhelmed or sad
So just remember this little song
And maybe things won't seem so bad
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
It's not about you
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
There's only one thing you can do
You gotta give them a little space
To wipe the teardrops from their face
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
Grown-ups like to share old stories
That they loved as a child
The books and movies and TV shows
That made their childhood seem worthwhile
And you ask "What's a TV show?"
Well, that's a lot to explain
And knowing they'll never see one again
Might cause them a little pain
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
It's not about you
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
There's only one thing you can do
You gotta give them a little space
To remember the things that can't be replaced
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
They're not angry, just a little sad
It's nothing you did that made them feel bad
And there's nothing you can do to fix it at all
Their world will never be right again, but it's not your fault
Grown-ups think about the loved ones
They lost along the way
And sometimes they act out their hurt
By looking for someone to blame
And sometimes they decide to blame
The first person they see
And if that happens to be you
They don't mean it personally
It's just that sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
It's not about you
Sometimes grown-ups cry for no reason
There's only one thing you can do
You gotta give them a little space
To remember the people who can't be replaced
Sometimes grown-ups cry
Yeah sometimes grown-ups cry
Sometimes grown-ups cry
For no reason
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11. |
The Tooth Truth
04:06
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So your mouth hurts, well sometimes mine hurts too
And you dread the moments when you're gonna have to chew
You ignored it, you thought it'd get better on its own
And now you're lying awake at night, crying all alone
Because they pain won't go away, it's here to stay
No way you can go and play
It's time to finally say
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
It'll hurt in the moment, but in long run, it'll be better for you
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
Everybody's done it, even your Uncle Bob and your Aunt Ruth
That's the tooth truth
Grown-ups used to hate going to the dentist
But I bet they'd love to see a dentist now
Because of how much it hurts when you breathe wrong
To say nothing of how it feels when you bite down
And then crack you feel attack, I'm sorry Jack
On your back like you've been smacked
It's time to face the facts
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
It'll hurt in the moment, but in long run, it'll be better for you
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
Everybody's done it, in their old age and in their youth
That's the tooth truth
That's the tooth truth
That's the tooth truth
We used to have all these specialists
Dentists and dental hygienists
Optometrists, podiatrists, psychiatrists, physical therapists
Urologists, dermatologists, and even gastroenterologists
All these people who can help you when you're stuck
But now if your body isn't perfect you're...
Fairly out of luck
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
It'll hurt in the moment, but in long run, it'll be better for you
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
Everybody's done it, so go on, have a shot of 80 proof
That's the tooth truth
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
It'll hurt in the moment, but in long run, it'll be better for you
Let me tell you truth, somebody's gonna have to pull that tooth
You can't just wave a magic wand, make it go "poof"
That's the tooth truth
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12. |
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(spoken)
Can anyone hear me?
Is there anyone out there?
If you can hear this, please respond
Hello?
Is there anybody?
Anybody?
Please?
Please respond...
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
And we're counting on you to make it right someday
You're too young to remember the before times
To know how wonderful civilization was
A world that bustled with people
Where food sprang out of the ground
So much to do, so many folks to love
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
And we're counting on you to make it right someday
It could have been a famine, it could have been nuclear war
It could have been the carbon in the air
It could have been a virus, or the rich exploiting the poor
It could have been avoided if we'd only cared
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
And we're counting on you to make it right someday
It could have been a populist uprising
It could have been a zombie apocalypse (ask your grown-up)
It doesn't matter what it was or wasn't
What matters is we didn't get it fixed
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
And we're counting on you to make it right someday
Now it's not fair to lay this burden on you
It's far too much to ask a bunch of kids
But you're the only hope we can hold onto
To make the world a better one than this
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
And we're counting on you to make it right someday
Now I'm not here to tell you who's to blame for
Everything with society that went wrong
I'm just trying to help you all look forward
To make a better future when I'm gone
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
And we're counting on you to make it right someday
Yeah, we're counting on you to make it right someday
Things could have been different
It didn't have to be this way
...
Ooooh...
Things could have been different
So much different
So much different...
...
Things could be different
It doesn't have to be this way
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Uncle Fluffy St. Louis, Missouri
Uncle Fluffy crosses the wasteland playing children's music in exchange for a little bit of food
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